Patterns to Look for in Abusive Relationships

Abuse can come in many forms. Physical, mental, verbal, and even financial. It can be difficult to see the warning signs when starting a new relationship. What may seem like love and affection can shift into control and cruelty. Recognizing patterns in behavior is key to protecting yourself. Here are some of the patterns that can show up:

They Isolate You:
Abusive partners often cut you off from your friends, family, and other types of support. This is because they want to have you all to themselves. Sometimes, this may manifest as the abuser trying to turn you against your loved ones, causing you to feel guilty about needing their help and becoming more dependent on your abuser.

They Try to Control You:
In addition to cutting you off from friends and family, they try to control what you should do with your time, who you spend time with, and what you wear. A double standard then appears: they get to hang out with whoever they want and do whatever they want, but you get shamed for doing the same. This can also escalate into them monitoring your every move, such as checking your messages and social media. These are behaviors rooted in paranoia and mistrust.

They Constantly Criticize You:
They belittle you, no matter how small the issue is. They put down your accomplishments, leading you to believe you’ll never be good enough. They insult you and then claim that it was just a “joke.” This constant criticism erodes your self-worth and leaves you walking on eggshells.

They Gaslight You:
Gaslighting makes you question your reality. They may deny things that you know happened and tell you that you’re crazy for believing so. They may also blame you for their own behavior, avoiding accountability for their actions. Gaslighting decreases your confidence in making your own decisions. This gives the abuser more control over you.

Cycles of Love Bombing and Withdrawal:
At the beginning of the relationship, you’re showered with attention and promises, making you feel like you’re on top of the world. You might even feel like it’s too good to be true. And then, they suddenly act dismissive and cold. Panicked by the change in behavior, you try to “win them back,” causing you to become more dependent on them. They then apologize and promise to "be better", but the cycle repeats itself. This cycle gets you hooked, making you believe that maybe next time will be different.

Nobody deserves to be abused. These patterns are not signs of love; they are signs of control and manipulation. If you recognize yourself in the patterns listed above, know that you are not alone. There is support available. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe and respected.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or Text “START” to 88788